Maintaining eye contact is an essential social skill. It affects people's perceptions about you, and it shows interest, engagement, and regard in conversation.
A few months ago I spoke to my friend on the phone the truth is we haven't seen each other for a long time, and our friendship was getting cold the only channel for reviving our friendship was the phone.
We constantly sent heartwarming messages to each other, and memories of what we used to be were drastically fading like the mist of a breath on a mirror, but fate smiled at us we were going to meet, my heart skipped as he said these words "I just can't wait to see you".
I had a dozen and more questions to ask him; what was his university like, what's up with him, what has he been up to lately, and so on.
In no time we met, and my countenance was beaming with excitement.
I first saw his behind I could hear my heart screaming 'he has grown taller and I love it'. Without thinking I rushed to him and hugged him from behind we giggled like sillies.
I decided to initiate a conversation when suddenly his eyes dropped to his smartphone soon after I followed his gaze to my feet we didn't say much, but his gaze said a million unpleasant words in my head, and I felt unhappy.
In my opinion "I can't wait to see you" is not dissimilar to "I can't wait to look you in the eye and talk to you".
What is eye contact?
Eye contact is a situation in which two people are looking directly into each other's eyes
According to research, eye contact can increase the impact of your message by making it seem more credible and trustworthy. When you make eye contact with someone, it can make them feel like you're being honest and open with them.
Does eye contact mean love?
What are the Benefits of Mastering Eye Contact for Effective Communication
- Eye contact can help build trust and rapport with the person you're speaking to, one of the best ways to build trust is to keep your eyes on your conversational partner(s) at appropriate intervals.
- It can increase the level of understanding and engagement in a conversation, eye contact can be very encouraging, may perceive that you are interested when you look at them in the eye.
- It can help you read nonverbal cues, like body language and facial expressions., imagine you are talking with someone and he/she yawns a thousand times per minute, and this individual keeps looking down or above your shoulders, that is a cue to stop the conversion, not everyone would pay attention when you talking to them for different reasons.
- It can make you appear more confident and credible, imagine you are at a dinner party in your fabulous outfit with your smile on, you nod at the remarks of your speaker, and add a few words as you permit them to speak of themselves while maintaining eye contact. An attitude shows that you are confident whoever got talking with you will tell that you are remarkable and so will the conversation.
- It can help you communicate more effectively in a group setting.
- It can help you make a good impression in a job interview or meeting, and keep your eyes on the prize.
- It can make you appear more persuasive and convincing, have you heard of puppy dog eyes? Well, that says a lot about eye contact.
- Eye contact can help you influence people's opinions or get them to agree with you.
- Eye contact can create a sense of connection and trust, like a physical touch. When you make eye contact with someone, it can stimulate the release of oxytocin in your brain. Oxytocin is a hormone that's involved in social bonding, and it can help you feel more connected to the person you're looking at.
- It also stimulates feelings of love and support. You will become a good listener when you look at your conversation partner constantly while they're speaking.
- It shows that you are attentive and interested in what is being done.
- Eye contact also shows confidence and it also tells people that you respect them.
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Social Faux Pas About Eye Contact
I have learned lately that keeping your eyes fixed on someone is a choice.
In other words, you can decide to attentively look at someone and ignore the jarring feelings within if you are determined to.
Direct contact should not be shielded behind sunglasses. This is unacceptable, some individuals will gracefully talk to you behind their sunglasses to avoid direct eye contact little did they know that it's an impolite behavior.
Communication happens with the eyes not when your eyes are covered. You may wear sunglasses for different reasons but ensure that you put off your shades in a conversation.
Nevertheless wearing sunglasses indoors or during conversations can be excused, if it is worn for medical reasons, or to hide an eye deformity. It is ideal to explain this to your partner. It's a kind act of respect and it shows sincerity that you have nothing cheeky to hide.
Cultural Factors that can Affect Maintaining Eye Contact
It is important to maintain "a sizeable amount of eye contact", it is as good as a cherry on a cool cup of ice cream.
The eyes speak volumes if it's not appropriately used, your intentions may be misread by people around you. They may think you are rude, shy, or condescending.
In some cultures like in East Asia, they disapprove of long gazes and will only appreciate sporadic eye contact. According to this culture, it is disrespectful to hold your gaze with your conversation partner for too long.
In some tribes in Nigeria like the Yoruba, it is inappropriate to look at an elderly individual during intense conversation or during an argument.
The older one does the talking and makes eye contact at will, but the younger one will listen most of the time with his/her head bowed.
So, we can say Eye contact is relative and culturally bound. It is therefore advisable that even as you are learning how to maintain eye contact, you are also learning about exceptional cultures that don't appreciate this skill.
If you are traveling to another country before you explore to find out the basic rules and traditions of the country's culture.
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How to Maintain Eye Contact Effectively
Practicing proper eye contact and other body language skills can refine your communication skills.
You may feel jittery at first but here's a quick and uneasy tip for that: Ignore your emotions and relax, squabbled emotions on the inside are only a mirage don't make it your reality. It is okay to feel uncomfortable in the process but keep trying to be better at it.
The following are basic ways you can improve on maintaining eye contact.
- Sustain eye contact: Before you start talking ensure that you look at your partner and maintain it at a regular pace. If you want to look away after you have finished a statement do it slowly like you are very reluctant to look away from him/her.
- Draw an imaginary shape on their face: For a social setting, draw an inverted triangle by looking at their eyes down to their nose and then mouth.
- Use the 50/70 rule: Look at them 50 percent of the time when speaking and 70 percent of the time when listening to them.